The Annual Northern Squash Club Tennis Challenge took place on Saturday 12 July 2014 at Ponteland. The format, wherever possible, is 3 each side (two covering the base line and one at the net but this formation is not set in concrete and teams cans place their players wherever they want).
The teams were Keith Linsley, Dave North and Alex Storey versus Gordie Robertson, Michelle Robertson and Derek Collins. Team Linsley chose the traditional formation but Team Michelle chose, for the first time, the diamond formation (in other words Michelle and Derek placed themselves front and back on the court whilst Gordie placed himself in The Diamond!)
The weather was perfect (overcast and warm) and after a short warm-up, which consisted of spinning a racket to determine who serves first, battle commenced.
Despite numerous calls for Hawkeye from Team Linsley, Team Michelle stood strong and took a 4/2 lead and even Alex’s childish tantrums, racket abuse and bouts of openly crying like a spoilt 6 year old, did little to break their morale.
Strangely and without warning, Michelle’s normally solid serving started to break down and at one point it looked like she and Gordie were going to have a ‘domestic’ right there on the court. We were now leaking points, and subsequently games, to the point where team Linsley got to ‘Set Point’ and we were in complete disarray. From nowhere we had suddenly lost the first set.
Team Michelle huddled in a corner for a short team bonding moment and during this event it materialised that Michelle’s serve had been affected by a deadly swarm of southern hemisphere locusts that for some unknown reason decided to ‘rest’ directly over the swing path of her serve thereby rendering the ball invisible.
She did however manage to kill several thousand of them during her numerous attempts to hit the ‘invisible’ ball. For their part, the locusts decided to move on rather rapidly and escape the screaming banshee they had stumbled on.
Team Michelle were now re-bonded and after a short comfort break which included rehydration drinks, a banana each and a medical time-out, the second set got underway.
During the first set, Derek had been very effective at the net but the pressure of leaking points/games was getting to him and his aggressive attacking volleys started to fail him. Time for a tactical change - Gordie replaced him at the net.
This tactical change proved to be a master stroke and once again Team Michelle took a healthy lead and not least of all through the almost professional positioning and Gazelle like reactions of Gordie – and the numerous ‘net cords’ that all went his way. Not only at the net but during the whole match Gordie managed to get 7 net cords all in his (our) favour. We think that this may be a world record and will be contacting the tennis oficianado’s to verify the fact.
This time we retained our lead and swept away the opposition with consummate ease.
Team Linsley was now in complete disarray – so much so that Alex (remember, the 6 year old cry baby !) decided to quit his team altogether. No handshakes, no apology, no thanks for the game, no nothing. He just walked off mumbling some cock and bull story about having to go to an engagement party. The truth was that he just couldn’t stand the humiliation. Actually, in my opinion, his team was better off without him and he is in desperate need of some councelling. (Do you know he couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the one ball (which was useless anyway) he brought with him.
By now time was running out and to affect a result we agreed to play a ‘tie-break’ decider.
Team Linsley raced into a 5/2 lead and then a miracle of biblical proportions happened – Michelle got her serving action back and, with Derek back on the net nailing his block volleys and Gordie continueing with his favourable net cords, Team Michelle reached match point and secured an 8/6 win and a 2 sets to 1 victory.
Could Alex have made a difference – probably not !
After a quick shower and a few beers in The Diamond we finished off the evening with a well earned curry.
A most enjoyable event which we hope to repeat, at least once again this year.
You may think that this article is a bit one sided – it is. Get over it Team Linsley !
Postscripts
Reference the comfort break – that was a pack of lies. The break consisted of solely alcoholic refreshments!
All names are fictional to protect the true identity of individuals.
